My Fellowship Year: A Miraculous Escape?

When I boarded a plane, heading to London and the Atlantic Fellows for Social and Economic Equity (AFSEE) programme, the weight of Gaza came with me. I had no idea that, within just a month, the familiar struggle, the resilience, and the life I had known would be engulfed in a new war. I’d left my family, friends, and home to pursue a fellowship on social and economic equity—a cause I had long cherished as an educator in Gaza. Now, in the wake of the war, my departure seemed nothing short of miraculous. Yet, as the days passed and the conflict deepened, I felt a whirlwind of gratitude, guilt, and a gnawing sense of displacement, writes Manar Alzraiy. 

Navigating Displacement and Purpose

Initially, it felt like fate. For years, I had been deeply involved in advocating for equitable education and human rights in Gaza, but opportunities like the AFSEE Fellowship still felt almost unattainable. When the acceptance letter came, it represented more than just a professional opportunity; it felt like an invitation to amplify Gaza’s voice on a global stage. Yet, in those first weeks, as the war unfolded, this dream began to feel strange, tinged with a sense of guilt. I had been granted a chance to escape, but why me when so many others had no such option? What made me the exception when the people I loved, colleagues, students, family—were still bound to the chaos of war?

These questions haunted me. Each call back home carried a mix of relief and sorrow. My loved ones would assure me that everything would be okay, that I was safe and ‘that’s what mattered.’ But as I hung up each call, the detachment I felt was immense. Physically, I was thousands of miles away, sitting in classrooms where we discussed inequality issues and policies for economic and social equity. Mentally, I was in Gaza with the very people I’d left behind, experiencing every bomb, every loss, and every disruption as though I were still there. It’s a paradox I continue to carry: the privilege of leaving with the burden of watching from afar.

As time passed, I began to question the nature of this experience. Surely, it must have been a blessing, given that I was safe and able to channel my energy into the fellowship and my studies. But there were moments when it felt like a curse. My own privilege—of safety, of choice—became a barrier that set me apart from the daily struggles of those back home. The feeling of helplessness ate away at me. No matter what help I managed to provide, it never felt like enough. I couldn’t stop the bombs from killing my loved ones.

Transforming Pain into Advocacy

However, the fellowship became a turning point. I realised that by being at the London School of Economics and Political Science and by being part of the global AFSEE Community, I had a responsibility to represent Gaza’s voice, experiences, and aspirations. Every discussion on inequality, every policy review, and every presentation became an opportunity to channel the urgency of Gaza’s plight into a broader framework. I spoke of Gaza in ways I never had before, not simply as a place of conflict but as a space of resilience, dignity, and unyielding strength.

One of the most transformative moments during my fellowship was realising how Gaza's story resonates far beyond its borders. In a policy discussion on inequality, I spoke about the impact of settler colonialism and systemic injustices on education in Gaza—how classrooms struggle to function under the weight of conflict, deprivation, and erasure. The room fell silent, not out of pity but out of recognition. Peers from different parts of the world began drawing connections to their own struggles—be it educational inequities in rural India or systemic racism in the U.S. This shared understanding reinforced a powerful truth: Gaza’s resilience is not just a local story but a universal symbol of dignity and determination. Through these discussions, I discovered the power of advocacy and the critical importance of making Gaza’s voice a central part of global dialogues on justice.

Building Bridges Through Knowledge and Solidarity

The MSc in Inequalities and Social Science programme and the AFSEE Fellowship offered invaluable support for my mission. Academic modules on social inequality and policy analysis deepened my understanding of systemic injustices and helped frame Palestine’s struggles within a global context. AFSEE workshops provided leadership and advocacy tools that I applied to my work. The guidance from programme directors, combined with the solidarity of fellows from around the world, created a network of shared purpose and mutual learning. Conversations with peers revealed common threads across struggles, reaffirming Palestine’s place in the global fight for equity and justice.

The wider LSE community enriched this journey further. Faculty members encouraged critical thinking, pushing me to explore new dimensions of inequality, while the extensive resources available at LSE allowed me to deepen my understanding of the historical and structural forces shaping Palestine’s struggles. Informal exchanges with students broadened my perspectives and offered a space for dialogue and collaboration. Together, these experiences transformed my fellowship into an act of advocacy, where every essay and presentation became a declaration that Palestine is not only a site of despair but also a symbol of hope, resilience, and potential for change.

As my active fellowship year concluded, I came to realise that my departure was neither a blessing nor a curse; it was, simply put, a circumstance. This journey has been a chapter in my story, one that joins countless others from Gaza who continue to hope, resist, and build a future amid uncertainty. In the end, I carry Gaza with me—not as a miracle or a burden but as the essence of who I am and why I do what I do. As I walk this path, I am reminded that while I may be miles away, my heart remains in Gaza, and my purpose—to advocate for equity, justice, and dignity—continues to beat in rhythm with those who are still there.

The views expressed in this post are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the position of the Atlantic Fellows for Social and Economic Equity programme, the International Inequalities Institute, or the London School of Economics and Political Science.